I arrived at the track early. The sun was just baking. No worries, another hard day of workout.
After managing to get up on my toes a few times, it just felt good. The body is starting to accept the workouts. Certainly no more happy about them, but when muscles are being somewhat cooperative - this is not a small victory. These days every victory is important.
It was a good solid workout, and I knew I was going to be sore. But this has never been about the easy path. There is no pampering on the track. You push hard, until you can't push anymore. Then you push a little bit more and turn the volume down a notch or two. Once the reserve is back, you turn the volume back up.
A three hour workout, you can't go full speed for the entire duration. As much as these are about the workouts, they are also about the building up the stamina. The darker side is the realization that there needs to be more mental focus, more grit, more determination. It is a practical restoration of many things lost or shattered.
This also means that I must fight through the hot spots, blisters, aches, and sore muscles. They are all required. Pain is not some cliche, it reminds you of the simple fact you are alive. It also happens to be a barometer of measurement - measuring progress.
Of course even with good (dark Mediterranean) blood, it has been many years since my skin has been exposed to summer sun for hours. The result a nice sunburn. It turned to a very deep tan for about a week before peeling. Par for the course. Due to that I took the weekend of the Fourth off. My body probably needed the rest anyway.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Hell Week, Day One
Well it has begun. Hell week begins with a 6.5 mile workout. A new tradition has begun. Every Friday night is a return, a pilgrimage to that storied track of mine. Last week there were at least 20 people jogging and walking. This week about 12, in small groups of 2 and 3, spread over a 3 hour block of time.
It is not about them, this what I do, is about progress and improvement. Not a major bump, but tonight I realized in the latter half of my own workout that this journey of mine is going to be chalk full of scrapes-bruises-soreness, and just downright pain.
Grit and determination. It is pretty evident that I pulled my left leg calf muscle tonight in my run, jog, walk, spring combination. Re-instill discipline. There will be no running for one week. Still workouts, but zero running. I managed to walk out the pull after stabilizing it. I walked it out for 2 more miles. It is going to hurt and throb tomorrow like a sonovagun. Massaged, and prepped for the ride home. No problem already feels a bit sore, but it is lightly wrapped for the night to prevent out of control swelling.
Today was tough. On the bright side instead of consuming 3 meals in post recovery shut down for the night, It was kept at about 300 Calories. I did not feel like I was going to die, and my body does not feel nearly as depleted. The workout breathing has improved, and I have seen my HR/BP dial back to near normal, finally, for the first time in more years than I want to remember.
In 2 days I will hit a short 2 mile trail hike. Then we will see for next week. Looks like some hard core body workouts, and dial back the distance workouts until next Friday. Next friday will see a very light version of tonight for only 6 miles, provided the calf is doing okay. Can not afford muscle tears. It seems and acts like a minor pull, as it has yet to swell up. Keeping it working should help the recovery, which will hurt like hell, but come out undamaged, just touchy pain nerves.
This is a small bump, as I knew there would be and will be many, that is livable and does not change the dynamic of training. More motivation to ditch 40 pounds in 4 months. That will have a significant reduction of injury risk factor for sure. Tired of looking at the extra person anyway!
On the way. This won't be easy. It will test my mettle everyday. It will be the next toughest thing I ever do. But this is my journey. This is the path that I have chosen. For me, this is the right way. Grit and Determination will get me through, once again.
It is not about them, this what I do, is about progress and improvement. Not a major bump, but tonight I realized in the latter half of my own workout that this journey of mine is going to be chalk full of scrapes-bruises-soreness, and just downright pain.
Grit and determination. It is pretty evident that I pulled my left leg calf muscle tonight in my run, jog, walk, spring combination. Re-instill discipline. There will be no running for one week. Still workouts, but zero running. I managed to walk out the pull after stabilizing it. I walked it out for 2 more miles. It is going to hurt and throb tomorrow like a sonovagun. Massaged, and prepped for the ride home. No problem already feels a bit sore, but it is lightly wrapped for the night to prevent out of control swelling.
Today was tough. On the bright side instead of consuming 3 meals in post recovery shut down for the night, It was kept at about 300 Calories. I did not feel like I was going to die, and my body does not feel nearly as depleted. The workout breathing has improved, and I have seen my HR/BP dial back to near normal, finally, for the first time in more years than I want to remember.
In 2 days I will hit a short 2 mile trail hike. Then we will see for next week. Looks like some hard core body workouts, and dial back the distance workouts until next Friday. Next friday will see a very light version of tonight for only 6 miles, provided the calf is doing okay. Can not afford muscle tears. It seems and acts like a minor pull, as it has yet to swell up. Keeping it working should help the recovery, which will hurt like hell, but come out undamaged, just touchy pain nerves.
This is a small bump, as I knew there would be and will be many, that is livable and does not change the dynamic of training. More motivation to ditch 40 pounds in 4 months. That will have a significant reduction of injury risk factor for sure. Tired of looking at the extra person anyway!
On the way. This won't be easy. It will test my mettle everyday. It will be the next toughest thing I ever do. But this is my journey. This is the path that I have chosen. For me, this is the right way. Grit and Determination will get me through, once again.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Serious & Focus = Day One Zero Week. "Grit, Pain, Determination"
With other peripheral stresses on the sideline it was time to ramp it up. It has been nearly a year since a serious injury. Welcome to Zero Week! Things are going to get rough. This is where the money is made. Yeah the extra eighty pounds, yes as in 80. It will stop. Sincerely enough is enough. Taking into account the necessity to beware of injury again. Sometimes one must run before they walk. That time has long since arrived.
I certainly know what it takes to succeed. Hence this entry’s title. Grit - Pain - Determination. There will be tears, there will be blood, and lord knows there will be bruises and not aching but SCREAMING muscles. Every single morning. One day on, one day off. There is no championship, there is no glory. It will hurt. It will test my commitment each time out the door. Some days I will hardly be able to walk. But this is the necessity.
A darkness of storm had rolled in. It was painful. Every nerve in every muscle being shocked to life as each pounding of landing toes. For two hours. Heart racing, lungs burning. At the first half mile Is this really a good idea? It would be so easy to just quit. Can’t quit, too late for that now. Damn it hurt.
As the saying goes, ‘pain is weakness (or sometimes fear) leaving the body. Grit is a word associated with Scrappiness, hard deliberate work, “Heart” and not the Valentine’s type. It was high time. Pain will be. This is not the easy road. Can a repeat be achieved, a perfect undefeated stretch? No absolutely not. There will be defeat and failure on this road. It is not the path of journey for the faint of heart. Every time you falter, every time you fall down, you believe. It is about getting up when you fall, no matter what. You don't quit because of one bad day, or two or ten. You keep pushing. You get better, and then you push some more! It is not easy, it is hard, tough, and it WILL suck. It is a gut check. When you run out, you reach way down and find some more. When you run out again, you just keep going. One foot in front of the other. It is that simple. Not easy, simple, and it will be the toughest thing you ever do.
There was merely fleeting hope for the competition. As happened many times before throughout the season, when it came down to Grit, Heart, and hard tough work, we had never considered enough had been done by us. We always pushed. We stayed late after exhausting practices. Just being good enough was not enough. We didn’t want to be better than “them” - we wanted to be better than us.
Each week, brought faster times. Each week brought a faster all time record. Each week we worked our guts out, and then pushed some more.
No, I know what grit is. We knew pain, and blisters, and exhaustion. We embraced them. We were in the end, rewarded with satisfaction. In 202 seconds, we had staged a monumental coup d’état of our field. That final day as we walked out to begin the last race, we knew that we could win. We knew we would win. We just had to give everything, and were burdened with the simple task of not screwing it up.
It was a triumph of will over odds. Now on the eve of the two decade anniversary, it is time again to work. It is time again to be better than myself. Everything must be pushed to the limit, and then far beyond. As the thunderheads rolled in over the valley, black and full of attitude, I embraced the suck. It will be my only dependable companion in this journey. It is time to reinvest, gritty scrappy determination.
Today was DAY ONE, ZERO WEEK. The journey has begun. It will suck. It must be done.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
NOTICE - Posted to facebook a week ago
It is already turning out to be the 'year of the rainmaker' for me. Things are finally getting done this year. Which means that more progress will continue to be made. Including all things, most importantly here, the running. Only 8 months left to train in the mountains, so now is no time to slide off by the wayside and turn apathetic.
NO, today, I run. Today, the trio (me, my ego, and I) run. Tomorrow we run a little more, a little further than today, and we run harder. Why? Because for the first time in over a decade, I AM MASTER of ME once again. Some things should never be relinquished, not by accident, and not by design. Fear is not something I fear. I no longer fear myself. I embrace me, and most important, I accept myself.
The changes have already begun. The path, is the journey, the adventure of the journey IS precisely the point. I have long lived by blazing my own trail. Once again I am ready, and 'blazing' my own proper trail. It is not easy nor for the faint of heart. A difficult but worthy adventure!
"Dan is back."
2011
NOTICE:
After a long standing hiatus (since 1998), Dan has returned. To quote a friend of over two decades, "Dan don't play." Things and projects will get finished this year in a timely manner. A recent observation was made, "At the start you had these long-term goals you were working towards. It seemed that they were impossible, but you kept working at them from various angles no matter how bad things were. Now, everything seems to finally be lining up and paying off. It is a good change, I am not sure I thought those goals would come to fruition, but you remained determined. It is quite a change for the better. I'm impressed with how things are turning out for you."
Once, I had someone tell me "You are kind of short to run the 400 aren't you?" This kid and I were both running the second of four legs in the 1600 meter (Mile) relay. I just looked at him and didn't say anything. My mental response was, 'I wonder what he thinks now that I just smoked past him in the race after being behind?' I never saw him again, and I must assume that my response - sprinting past him on the track - was enough to keep him from coming back for a second snide remark (He wasn't special, in fact I offered this same response to nearly everyone who ever fielded the track against me). I have no time for rude and ignorant people, I never did. That day, as every other day in our season that year, my brothers, from the disrespected high school Cyprus, won every race we ran. All the way to and including a State Championship. Final time for our mile = 3:21.7 yes 3 minutes 21.7 seconds. Not bad for some white teenagers from the poorer side of town. Not bad at all!
It is with that 'special kind of arrogance' that I do declare I am back. I am not a bad guy and not even a jerk most of the time, but I am not to be trifled with. I am a serious person, and should be taken seriously. No fear, fear not, and fear...
NO, today, I run. Today, the trio (me, my ego, and I) run. Tomorrow we run a little more, a little further than today, and we run harder. Why? Because for the first time in over a decade, I AM MASTER of ME once again. Some things should never be relinquished, not by accident, and not by design. Fear is not something I fear. I no longer fear myself. I embrace me, and most important, I accept myself.
The changes have already begun. The path, is the journey, the adventure of the journey IS precisely the point. I have long lived by blazing my own trail. Once again I am ready, and 'blazing' my own proper trail. It is not easy nor for the faint of heart. A difficult but worthy adventure!
"Dan is back."
2011
NOTICE:
After a long standing hiatus (since 1998), Dan has returned. To quote a friend of over two decades, "Dan don't play." Things and projects will get finished this year in a timely manner. A recent observation was made, "At the start you had these long-term goals you were working towards. It seemed that they were impossible, but you kept working at them from various angles no matter how bad things were. Now, everything seems to finally be lining up and paying off. It is a good change, I am not sure I thought those goals would come to fruition, but you remained determined. It is quite a change for the better. I'm impressed with how things are turning out for you."
Once, I had someone tell me "You are kind of short to run the 400 aren't you?" This kid and I were both running the second of four legs in the 1600 meter (Mile) relay. I just looked at him and didn't say anything. My mental response was, 'I wonder what he thinks now that I just smoked past him in the race after being behind?' I never saw him again, and I must assume that my response - sprinting past him on the track - was enough to keep him from coming back for a second snide remark (He wasn't special, in fact I offered this same response to nearly everyone who ever fielded the track against me). I have no time for rude and ignorant people, I never did. That day, as every other day in our season that year, my brothers, from the disrespected high school Cyprus, won every race we ran. All the way to and including a State Championship. Final time for our mile = 3:21.7 yes 3 minutes 21.7 seconds. Not bad for some white teenagers from the poorer side of town. Not bad at all!
It is with that 'special kind of arrogance' that I do declare I am back. I am not a bad guy and not even a jerk most of the time, but I am not to be trifled with. I am a serious person, and should be taken seriously. No fear, fear not, and fear...
Monday, July 12, 2010
Blazing my own trail, again
July 2010
I have always felt that ‘blazing my own trail’ was the correct path for me. It is something that has often put me in, “interesting” positions.
This week closed as the first, truly good week, that I can recall in a very long time. I was able to get some trivial details taken care, of course more of my books arrived, I managed to sneak a very therapeutic road-trip, and to close out the week 90 minutes of exhausting time on the ice.
In other news, I finally saw a doctor who actually listened to what I had to say about these chronic tears and pulls in my legs. As such I will not have to fork over money out of my own pocket. It was agreed that ‘images, namely MRI, ought to be done to investigate what is going on with my calve muscles. Finally…
So with that information, it was enough to jerk me out of the ‘feel sorry for myself - hopeless’ mode. Friday I took my goalie gear to the local car wash. That certainly turned the heads who were there. 5$ later, my pads were all dripping wet. Friday was my 500 mile road-trip, and Saturday night, I was in the locker room putting the pads on.
Did I mention I could barely skate off the ice? I mean barely. In a strange way I guess it was nostalgic, going back to a Saturday night many years ago. I had just finished help ‘push’ most of my unit on planes to Baghdad. I had about 18 hours until I was getting on the plane myself, one of the last from our unit. It happened to be Saturday night, so I packed up my pads and drove to the rink. After 2 hours I could barely walk. It was quite a workout. When the rink was locked up at almost midnight I drove to the grocery store to get some food to help with my recovery. After all, the next morning I was going to be loading a plane, again, and going to war.
What was different about leaving for Iraq, I honestly did not think I was coming back. So in the grand scheme of things, that slim chance to play hockey one last time - I considered it was a treat from the gods. I made as much use of the opportunity as I could.
So as I lifted my sweaty goalie gear into the car Saturday night, a dark and nearly empty parking lot at the rink; it reminded me of that July Saturday night so many years ago. Nearly midnight, both times, I went straight for Gatorade and a pile of tacos to help push my body’s recovery. A few bruises and sore today, but it was worth it.
Here’s to hoping there are more Saturday nights filled with this kind of memory. The running won’t start until there is a better idea of the medical implications - answers to the cause of the mysterious problems. But in the meantime, it does seem that the legs can handle some moderate work, so this week, that work will begin again.
I have always felt that ‘blazing my own trail’ was the correct path for me. It is something that has often put me in, “interesting” positions.
This week closed as the first, truly good week, that I can recall in a very long time. I was able to get some trivial details taken care, of course more of my books arrived, I managed to sneak a very therapeutic road-trip, and to close out the week 90 minutes of exhausting time on the ice.
In other news, I finally saw a doctor who actually listened to what I had to say about these chronic tears and pulls in my legs. As such I will not have to fork over money out of my own pocket. It was agreed that ‘images, namely MRI, ought to be done to investigate what is going on with my calve muscles. Finally…
So with that information, it was enough to jerk me out of the ‘feel sorry for myself - hopeless’ mode. Friday I took my goalie gear to the local car wash. That certainly turned the heads who were there. 5$ later, my pads were all dripping wet. Friday was my 500 mile road-trip, and Saturday night, I was in the locker room putting the pads on.
Did I mention I could barely skate off the ice? I mean barely. In a strange way I guess it was nostalgic, going back to a Saturday night many years ago. I had just finished help ‘push’ most of my unit on planes to Baghdad. I had about 18 hours until I was getting on the plane myself, one of the last from our unit. It happened to be Saturday night, so I packed up my pads and drove to the rink. After 2 hours I could barely walk. It was quite a workout. When the rink was locked up at almost midnight I drove to the grocery store to get some food to help with my recovery. After all, the next morning I was going to be loading a plane, again, and going to war.
What was different about leaving for Iraq, I honestly did not think I was coming back. So in the grand scheme of things, that slim chance to play hockey one last time - I considered it was a treat from the gods. I made as much use of the opportunity as I could.
So as I lifted my sweaty goalie gear into the car Saturday night, a dark and nearly empty parking lot at the rink; it reminded me of that July Saturday night so many years ago. Nearly midnight, both times, I went straight for Gatorade and a pile of tacos to help push my body’s recovery. A few bruises and sore today, but it was worth it.
Here’s to hoping there are more Saturday nights filled with this kind of memory. The running won’t start until there is a better idea of the medical implications - answers to the cause of the mysterious problems. But in the meantime, it does seem that the legs can handle some moderate work, so this week, that work will begin again.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
4 - the first injury
Well it happened. The VA of course claims that there is no possible way that my chronic muscle tears can in any way be related to my service abroad. Yet this evening’s tear, brings the cumulative total to about 14 times that my running and exercise has been effectively grounded since 2003. Funny how before that, in a very aggressive running career of hundreds of miles, I had one muscle pull, not even a full blown tear.
The first question tomorrow is going to be how long can I expect to wait before I see anyone? Seeing someone who actually knows what the heck they are doing, well I can plan 6 months, at a minimum. And I will have to fight my way through the ridiculous bureaucracy and ‘justify’ why I need to see an Ortho person.
Not even a block, less than a quarter mile.
I feel like the universe is indeed fighting every step I take. People don’t understand when I say that I am frankly worn out. How can anyone who doesn’t know understand. You think you are doing the right thing, or at least the right thing for you. Honestly I am not a fan of trying to struggle through and just bide on the way side. There are things that I want to do. And the politically correct and feel good of ‘oh it will be okay, it will work out, don’t worry”, is the kind of thing that turns me off.
I think sometimes we all need a little comfort and some reassurance. Pardon me if I want to catch a break. And when a few things go right for me, I get a little excited. But it is all I have. My life is certainly not exciting. It is pretty dull, and it sucks most of the time. I do my best to not bitch about it, but you know it never ends.
Not that I have the money, but even if I wanted to go and get good health insurance, so I could see a doctor sooner - I am disqualified. Oddly I should be in favor of the recent reform, but all I see coming in the future, just makes me want to run away and turn in my citizenship when I get to the border. In the end does it really matter.
This is an example of a moment, that I think back, and really truly wish that ‘HESCO’ had not been between me and that insurgent mortar round. Sadly it was, and thus I am here. I don’t mind the hard work, but I want some level of comfort. A very basic level, that allows me to get un-interrupted sleep just for one whole week. I can’t even get undisturbed sleep for one night. I would like to have a lower level of stress. It would be nice to deal with a primary care provider who actually “listened” to what I had to say about my problems so that maybe we can pursue effect treatment to correct them, instead of turning into a junkie of prescription drugs simply because I am being stubborn (the audacity I must have to expect to express my issues and try things before popping pills, who do I think I am?)
It is tragic. Is this the end of my running, hell no! But I fear I may be down for a little bit. Determination, yes I have that. I am definitely a little fired up tonight.
Do others have it worse than me? Yes many do. Here’s my question in response though. Where is my due? Because I sacrificed a marriage, friends, my mental health, my physical health, my state of mind; and every day I carry this burden on my shoulders. So yes I am entitled to feel a little grumpy on occasion. I am allowed to question the mythical ‘all knowing’ leaders, because frankly they are idiots.
There is no break for me, no special treatment. Everything I have been able to get, I have busted my ass to get it. And I can’t even get the straight answers that I deserve, I am sorry that is wrong. Don’t tell me anything unless you are willing to take responsibility for what you say. I don’t run around and rape, murder, or rob people. Don’t try to make it look like I am one of those people. I don’t condone violence, period.
There is something wrong, and that something is that I am still here. The bonus time, has not been worth the extra that is included with it. A little bit of satisfaction. Imagine getting good news, or something cool happens, only to be painted as bragging. After all the shit you waded through, still there are people who want to piss on you because you have had the drive, even in the face of fear to pursue the things you love, what you are passionate about.
I will pursue, and I suppose that the real friends and the casual or fake friends will bear themselves out. I can only worry about me. There is really nothing else I can do. Trying to please other people for sake of pleasing other people, is much like trying to live up to other people’s expectations of you. It is a dangerous and often deadly proposition, I would just as soon skip. There is something to be said for cultivating your own mind, your own goals, your own personality. In the end, you have to be happy with yourself or you will hate everyone and everything around you.
Then all the things that are supposed to be good in life become poison. After that who can possibly know what is to come. I can do my best to live my life to its fullest potential in my own way. Beyond that, I have no control. And I am worn out on people who think anything else is realistic. I demand a lot of myself, and that will not change. I just want people to be “real” or “genuine”. My how I loathe “fake”. What is done is done.
So here’s to hoping that the doctors are not complete assholes, however unlikely that might be. They will tell me things like “you set too high of goals for yourself” - well, I won’t respond here. That is just not an acceptable answer to me, heaven forbid that I won’t just convince myself to roll over and die so they won’t be bothered to actually do the job they get paid for.
The first question tomorrow is going to be how long can I expect to wait before I see anyone? Seeing someone who actually knows what the heck they are doing, well I can plan 6 months, at a minimum. And I will have to fight my way through the ridiculous bureaucracy and ‘justify’ why I need to see an Ortho person.
Not even a block, less than a quarter mile.
I feel like the universe is indeed fighting every step I take. People don’t understand when I say that I am frankly worn out. How can anyone who doesn’t know understand. You think you are doing the right thing, or at least the right thing for you. Honestly I am not a fan of trying to struggle through and just bide on the way side. There are things that I want to do. And the politically correct and feel good of ‘oh it will be okay, it will work out, don’t worry”, is the kind of thing that turns me off.
I think sometimes we all need a little comfort and some reassurance. Pardon me if I want to catch a break. And when a few things go right for me, I get a little excited. But it is all I have. My life is certainly not exciting. It is pretty dull, and it sucks most of the time. I do my best to not bitch about it, but you know it never ends.
Not that I have the money, but even if I wanted to go and get good health insurance, so I could see a doctor sooner - I am disqualified. Oddly I should be in favor of the recent reform, but all I see coming in the future, just makes me want to run away and turn in my citizenship when I get to the border. In the end does it really matter.
This is an example of a moment, that I think back, and really truly wish that ‘HESCO’ had not been between me and that insurgent mortar round. Sadly it was, and thus I am here. I don’t mind the hard work, but I want some level of comfort. A very basic level, that allows me to get un-interrupted sleep just for one whole week. I can’t even get undisturbed sleep for one night. I would like to have a lower level of stress. It would be nice to deal with a primary care provider who actually “listened” to what I had to say about my problems so that maybe we can pursue effect treatment to correct them, instead of turning into a junkie of prescription drugs simply because I am being stubborn (the audacity I must have to expect to express my issues and try things before popping pills, who do I think I am?)
It is tragic. Is this the end of my running, hell no! But I fear I may be down for a little bit. Determination, yes I have that. I am definitely a little fired up tonight.
Do others have it worse than me? Yes many do. Here’s my question in response though. Where is my due? Because I sacrificed a marriage, friends, my mental health, my physical health, my state of mind; and every day I carry this burden on my shoulders. So yes I am entitled to feel a little grumpy on occasion. I am allowed to question the mythical ‘all knowing’ leaders, because frankly they are idiots.
There is no break for me, no special treatment. Everything I have been able to get, I have busted my ass to get it. And I can’t even get the straight answers that I deserve, I am sorry that is wrong. Don’t tell me anything unless you are willing to take responsibility for what you say. I don’t run around and rape, murder, or rob people. Don’t try to make it look like I am one of those people. I don’t condone violence, period.
There is something wrong, and that something is that I am still here. The bonus time, has not been worth the extra that is included with it. A little bit of satisfaction. Imagine getting good news, or something cool happens, only to be painted as bragging. After all the shit you waded through, still there are people who want to piss on you because you have had the drive, even in the face of fear to pursue the things you love, what you are passionate about.
I will pursue, and I suppose that the real friends and the casual or fake friends will bear themselves out. I can only worry about me. There is really nothing else I can do. Trying to please other people for sake of pleasing other people, is much like trying to live up to other people’s expectations of you. It is a dangerous and often deadly proposition, I would just as soon skip. There is something to be said for cultivating your own mind, your own goals, your own personality. In the end, you have to be happy with yourself or you will hate everyone and everything around you.
Then all the things that are supposed to be good in life become poison. After that who can possibly know what is to come. I can do my best to live my life to its fullest potential in my own way. Beyond that, I have no control. And I am worn out on people who think anything else is realistic. I demand a lot of myself, and that will not change. I just want people to be “real” or “genuine”. My how I loathe “fake”. What is done is done.
So here’s to hoping that the doctors are not complete assholes, however unlikely that might be. They will tell me things like “you set too high of goals for yourself” - well, I won’t respond here. That is just not an acceptable answer to me, heaven forbid that I won’t just convince myself to roll over and die so they won’t be bothered to actually do the job they get paid for.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Entry 3 - Wired Up
It is very early, another night trouble sleeping. Man does it ever suck! One day I just want to be able to go to sleep, without any help. One day.
Friday I was given the results of one of my tests. I am now 75% cleared. If only my body was up to 75% capacity. The stamina has been very slow to increase, much slower than I prefer.
Saturday was a botched paper, but still good practice. There are moments that you realize you just get pre-judged. There is really nothing to be done about it.
So a run, an attempt at a longer run of 4 miles and change today. It is time to start pushing a bit. Stretch, modified tune list, and the dark sky. It is warm enough I can travel light on clothing for a change. It always feels good to trot along in the cool air. Of course at 59, some do not consider that very cool at all. I consider it a ‘comfortable’ temperature.
A good workout is just what I need to start the day off. Even if it is considerably early for most peoples’ definition at 330. I keep telling myself that I will need to push a little harder and return to my former ways if I am to obtain my goals.
Discipline, and patience. Preparation prevents injury, but today I will push hard. The cliché “pain is fear leaving the body”. There was a time that I truly had no fear. In order to accomplish the impossible, the impossible needs to become possible, probable. In that, a state on the fine edge between insanity and brilliance, is the place I will need to be in order to push my body for a grueling 154 miles across plains and up mountains.
Today, a test of fortitude stares me in the face. As I often say: “It is not a question of being afraid or not [everyone gets scared], it is about what you do when you are afraid [that does not build character [it does not build character, IT REVEALS CHARACTER]”…
The update, a 5 mile fartlek, for all intents and purposes, at a gruelingly slow 12:22 pace. Sheesh. I suppose the first phase is the toughest, or perhaps the second - completing more than a mile and a half at a solid-strong pace. In the meantime, discipline, it is far too easy to just up and quit.
The stamina, frankly is sucking right now. With a little more push, I just might be able to make some headway on that however.
Who am I, sir, a Utah man am I:
A Utah man, sir, and will be till I die: Ki! Ki!
We're up to snuff: we never bluff.
We're game for any fuss.
I was caught
In the middle of a railroad track (Thunder)
I looked 'round,
And I knew there was no turning back (Thunder)
My mind raced
And I thought what could I do? (Thunder)
And I knew
There was no help, no help from you (Thunder)
Sound of the drums
Beatin' in my heart
The thunder of guns!
Tore me apart
You've been - thunderstruck!
Rode down the highway
Broke the limit, we hit the ton
Thunderstruck, thunderstruck
Yeah yeah yeah, thunderstruck
Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah
Said yeah, it's alright
We're! Doing fine
Yeah, it's alright
We're! Doing fine
So fine
Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck
Whoa baby, baby, thunderstruck
You've been thunderstruck, thunderstruck
Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck
You've been thunderstruck
Circling your, circling your, circling your head
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I see the truth I got a doubt
A different motive in your eyes
And now I'm out, see you later
I see your fantasy
You want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads, yeah
Well, now that's over
I see your motives inside
Decisions to hide
Back off, I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong, we're headstrong
Back off, I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I walk through the valley of the shadow of death is
Top floor the view alone will leave you breathless Uhhhh!
Try to catch it Uhhhh! It's kinda hard hard
I know that you are wrong
And this is not where you belong
I can't give everything away
I won't give everything away
No other gang of college men dare meet us in the muss
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
My eyes don't need to see that ugly thing, I know it's me you fear
If you want me hold me back
frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "you be the death of me
I don't need a friend, I need to mend so far away
So come sit by the fire and play a while, but you can't stay too long
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for pleasure
I see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather here
If you want me hold me back
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long
There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth.
No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.
And when our college days are o'er and night is drawing nigh,
With parting breath we'll sing that song:
A Utah Man am I
Of course thanks to the contributors, these lyrics in part help to push me through lap 2 in my workouts, and for that extra push up the hill...
Today when I do my first two-a-day, I shall attempt to get a picture that is non-traumatic to post.
Friday I was given the results of one of my tests. I am now 75% cleared. If only my body was up to 75% capacity. The stamina has been very slow to increase, much slower than I prefer.
Saturday was a botched paper, but still good practice. There are moments that you realize you just get pre-judged. There is really nothing to be done about it.
So a run, an attempt at a longer run of 4 miles and change today. It is time to start pushing a bit. Stretch, modified tune list, and the dark sky. It is warm enough I can travel light on clothing for a change. It always feels good to trot along in the cool air. Of course at 59, some do not consider that very cool at all. I consider it a ‘comfortable’ temperature.
A good workout is just what I need to start the day off. Even if it is considerably early for most peoples’ definition at 330. I keep telling myself that I will need to push a little harder and return to my former ways if I am to obtain my goals.
Discipline, and patience. Preparation prevents injury, but today I will push hard. The cliché “pain is fear leaving the body”. There was a time that I truly had no fear. In order to accomplish the impossible, the impossible needs to become possible, probable. In that, a state on the fine edge between insanity and brilliance, is the place I will need to be in order to push my body for a grueling 154 miles across plains and up mountains.
Today, a test of fortitude stares me in the face. As I often say: “It is not a question of being afraid or not [everyone gets scared], it is about what you do when you are afraid [that does not build character [it does not build character, IT REVEALS CHARACTER]”…
The update, a 5 mile fartlek, for all intents and purposes, at a gruelingly slow 12:22 pace. Sheesh. I suppose the first phase is the toughest, or perhaps the second - completing more than a mile and a half at a solid-strong pace. In the meantime, discipline, it is far too easy to just up and quit.
The stamina, frankly is sucking right now. With a little more push, I just might be able to make some headway on that however.
Who am I, sir, a Utah man am I:
A Utah man, sir, and will be till I die: Ki! Ki!
We're up to snuff: we never bluff.
We're game for any fuss.
I was caught
In the middle of a railroad track (Thunder)
I looked 'round,
And I knew there was no turning back (Thunder)
My mind raced
And I thought what could I do? (Thunder)
And I knew
There was no help, no help from you (Thunder)
Sound of the drums
Beatin' in my heart
The thunder of guns!
Tore me apart
You've been - thunderstruck!
Rode down the highway
Broke the limit, we hit the ton
Thunderstruck, thunderstruck
Yeah yeah yeah, thunderstruck
Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah
Said yeah, it's alright
We're! Doing fine
Yeah, it's alright
We're! Doing fine
So fine
Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck
Whoa baby, baby, thunderstruck
You've been thunderstruck, thunderstruck
Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck
You've been thunderstruck
Circling your, circling your, circling your head
Contemplating everything you ever said
Now I see the truth I got a doubt
A different motive in your eyes
And now I'm out, see you later
I see your fantasy
You want to make it a reality paved in gold
See inside, inside of our heads, yeah
Well, now that's over
I see your motives inside
Decisions to hide
Back off, I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong, we're headstrong
Back off, I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I walk through the valley of the shadow of death is
Top floor the view alone will leave you breathless Uhhhh!
Try to catch it Uhhhh! It's kinda hard hard
I know that you are wrong
And this is not where you belong
I can't give everything away
I won't give everything away
No other gang of college men dare meet us in the muss
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
My eyes don't need to see that ugly thing, I know it's me you fear
If you want me hold me back
frail, the skin is dry and pale, the pain will never fail
And so we go back to the remedy
Clip the wings that get you high, just leave them where they lie
And tell yourself, "you be the death of me
I don't need a friend, I need to mend so far away
So come sit by the fire and play a while, but you can't stay too long
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for pleasure
I see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather here
If you want me hold me back
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long
There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth.
No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.
And when our college days are o'er and night is drawing nigh,
With parting breath we'll sing that song:
A Utah Man am I
Of course thanks to the contributors, these lyrics in part help to push me through lap 2 in my workouts, and for that extra push up the hill...
Today when I do my first two-a-day, I shall attempt to get a picture that is non-traumatic to post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)